The Worms in My Heart

The worms in my heart have
Eaten the bridge between
Us.

The real loss:
They ate my bridge to
Me.

A dog would rather be kicked
Than starve alone
In the snow drifts.

I beg for scraps of heart and liver
Under your table but,
You’re not there.
Neither am I.

I’m lost at sea
Trying to find the
Right place to drown
My longing.

I see a high trap door
At the back of your fortress.
A child’s legs
Cannot reach.
Why won’t you let me in
The front?

I liked the abuse;
The hitting, rage, and rape.

What else did I have?
Where were you and your
Golden heart?
You teased me with it when I was
New, and green. Simple.
Today it shines in the pocket of
The ocean. Lost.

Alone on the swings at sunset,
Red sun glowing behind tall trees,
Why weren’t you pushing me?
Sitting with me?
Where was the holding,
Where were the talks?

I wanted it all so badly that
I followed it into
Oblivion.

I’ve prayed for the father I never had,
But the pain of losing you;
Nothing can compare.

My paradise lived inside of you;
The last time I was ever
Totally, and completely loved.
I scour the earth,
Searching every bedroom that’s unlocked.
But, every door I walk through takes me
Further from
Home.

I am a hollow shell,
The ashen remains of an offering,
Sacrificed at the alter,
Burned away in the crucible,
Of the goddess.